


Bringing Her Back

by butzichen



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-25 17:25:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17729555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butzichen/pseuds/butzichen
Summary: "She smirked as she tossed another pink teddy bear into the roaring flames." Snowbarry Valentine 2019 PromptCanon divergent after 3x12When Frost takes over again, Barry only has a one track mind, getting his Caitlin back





	Bringing Her Back

She smirked as she tossed another pink teddy bear into the roaring flames.

She couldn’t believe there were fools out there who wanted these kinds of gifts, depended on them even, thinking that maybe they meant something, something more, something deeper. A ridiculous thought really, bears were supposed to be scary, not gifts and definitely not pink.  
Killer Frost picked up another one, turning it so it looked up at her with an innocent childlike expression, pleading with her to spare its life maybe, thinking she would yield to its features, calling upon some forgotten emotion. With an evil grin, or was it a sad smile, she flung the bear into the fire, joining its friend’s fate. The flames were licking the furry surface of the teddies, slowly eating away at the pink fuzz. Pink, it really was her least favorite color. It spoke of warmth and softness, weakness really. She preferred clean colors like black, white, blue. Colors that didn’t relent, that knew what they stood for and were ungiving over time, sure of themselves, steady, firm, cold. 

She saw the fire raging in front of her, the warmth, the glow, but she didn’t feel it, cold encircling her, unwavering as ever, steeling her resolve from the inside. Pink and warmth were weaknesses, she didn’t have weaknesses, couldn’t have weaknesses, wouldn’t allow herself weaknesses. 

“Caitlin. It’s spreading. We need you.” No, she wouldn’t let these thoughts into her head. They hadn’t needed Caitlin, they had needed her, Frost, to use her powers to slow down the decay spreading through Iris West. They had needed, even wanted her powers. But not her. Well too bad, letting her powers flow freely, had weakened Caitlin and she had been able to break free, free from the restraints Caitlin put on herself, always needed, always there for others, always sacrificing herself. Well no more.

Frost smirked, stupid warm Caitlin. It was time she had taken control, freed them from the others, her so-called friends. She scoffed. Caitlin still believed they were her friends, she could feel her struggling to break free at the thought of them, but she was wrong, Frost was the only one looking out for her, definitely not her so-called friends. So scared of her power, hiding it away, dampening it, hoping if they ignored it, her, the issue would disappear on its own. After all, they had Iris to worry about. Her life was on the line, Caitlin would have to take a backseat and figure out how to deal with her powers on her own.  
Frost shook her head, her auburn hair, completely streaked with white, tumbling over her shoulders. She should walk away from the fire, but for some reason, she couldn’t tear her eyes from the smoldering teddy bears. They didn’t mean anything to her, of course. Did Caitlin’s so-called friends really think she would be swayed by stuffed animals and a note?  
Maybe they just needed her again. As much as they had ignored Caitlin and her powers, they didn’t hesitate to ask her to use them when they were needed, needed to save others. Then they were suddenly welcome. For a while. 

“Caitlin, you can freeze her arm.” Stupid Julian with his stupid ideas. Offering Caitlin up like that, after pretending to be her white knight and trying to save her, no, cure her. She scoffed, they didn’t need to be cured. Who did Julian think he was, assuming he knew Caitlin so well, knew how to get through to her? Frost nearly laughed out loud at the memory of Julian’s ridiculous attempts to bring Caitlin back. It had been utterly pathetic. So Julian thought he needed to look out for Caitlin? Well, Caitlin didn’t need Julian, she had Frost and she would look out for. Get her away from these friends that weren’t really her friends, get her away from everything that was holding her back. She could be powerful, invincible, but she needed to let go of the shackles that were these people. 

Frost could feel Caitlin stirring inside, just under the surface. She knew Caitlin would say they were her friends, her real friends, but real friends don’t treat you this way, discard you until they need you. And weak Caitlin would always put herself on the line for others, though scared she could lose herself in her powers, in Frost, still she never walked away, she took the risk for her 'friends', but they never took any risk for her.

“Kill me, Caitlin. You can’t. Can you? Because underneath all that cold, you’re still you.” That memory of Barry hit her with full force. Caitlin was trying to break through, regain control. Yes, Barry Allen, the Flash, always the hero. Or was he? Yes, he had risked his life trying to get Caitlin back, unwavering in his belief in her, a true friend. But that was before his dear Iris was in danger, when her life was on the line, everybody else be damned. He had just sat there, scared to lose Iris, ignoring Caitlin’s struggle, expecting her to risk herself for his love, his happiness. No, Frost had been right to take over, Caitlin deserved better, even if she couldn’t see it yet, but she would eventually.

 

“Cait!” Frost veered around, think of the devil. How had he managed to find her? It had been a week since she left Starlabs, left him clutching Iris’ frozen hand, left Julian standing there gaping at her. Putting an ice block between them, she had simply walked away, knowing Barry wouldn’t leave Iris’ side, not when there was still hope. He should have been thanking her for freezing Iris before she left, she could have let her die, but then they probably wouldn’t have let her leave. She knew they had managed to find an antidote and save her, she had kept an eye on them after all. Frost sighed, she hated to admit how strong Caitlin still was inside her. But she wasn’t in a hurry, over time, Caitlin would see her side of things. 

Frost’s eyes glowed white as she stared at the Flash, no at Barry, after all, he wasn’t in his suit. “How did you find me, Flash?” she inquired, trying to hide her surprise behind cold detachment. “Cisco put a tracker in the bears,” Barry replied trying to hide a pleased smile.  
“Clever Cisco,” Frost admitted with a smirk while groaning on the inside at her own stupidity. Of course, it had been a trick. She had thought herself so clever, managing to go back to her apartment every once in a while undetected, thinking she knew them well enough not to cross their paths, not to fall into any trap. Yet when she found the fluffy pink bears at her place, her emotions had taken over, anger at the feeble attempt of her, no Caitlin’s “friends” to get her back, had made her blind to the obvious. She should have left the gift untouched, but her rage had fueled her to send them a message. And Frost burning the teddy bears had just seemed too poetic to pass up.

Her own hubris had let him right to her, burning mementos in a dark alley, like a hurt girlfriend. She took a deep breath, quelling a rising Caitlin inside of her. She wouldn’t be tricked again, she was ready for whatever move Barry would make.

“Caitlin, it’s time to come home,” Barry said softly, taking a step closer towards her. She didn’t move, backing away would look like a weakness. And he was not a weakness. “Home?” she laughed humorlessly at the word. Foolishly Caitlin still thought of Starlabs as her home, after everything that place had put her through, every traumatic memory tied to that place. But Frost knew that wasn’t a real home. A home was a place with friends and family, people who cared about you.  
“Starlabs isn’t our home,” she bit back, cold mist swirling around her ready hands. She could see Barry’s eyes tightening at the word “our”, his ready reply that it was Caitlin’s home dying on his lips. Seeing Barry struggle for the right words, only confirmed what she already knew. Giving him a pitying glance, she turned around and started to walk away.

 

“Frost,” Barry called out, stopping her in her tracks. She wheeled around slowly, gauging him carefully. Having him address her this way, no sarcastic Killer prefacing her name, stirred something up deep inside of her and this time it wasn’t Caitlin. Reaching deep inside of herself, she pulled on her cold powers, letting them engulf her not only physically but emotionally, steeling herself against his warmth.  
“What are you even doing here? Shouldn’t you be with Iris, it is Valentine’s day after all,” she sneered coldly.  
“Caitlin’s more important,” he shot back without any hesitation, “you’re more important.”  
She could feel herself flinch. “Since when?” she spat out. Hurt flashed through his eyes, but he recovered quickly, taking another tentative step towards her, reclaiming the distance she had put between them. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, eyes wide with honesty.  
“Sorry really doesn’t cut it, Flash,” Frost hissed unmoving, even as Barry stepped closer yet.  
“You’re right,“ he admitted, “I have been selfish and a horrible friend. And Caitlin deserves to hear my apology.” His tone shifted as he added nearly teasingly. “So do you think you could get her?”  
A laugh escaped her lips despite herself. “Nice try, Flash.” He grinned at her, coming even closer.  
“I thought so,” he said, before he turned serious again, his eyes searching hers. Looking for Caitlin? Or maybe just for her. She knew that she should move, walk away from him, but something in his eyes rooted her to the spot. 

“You care about Caitlin, don’t you?” he asked, though it didn’t sound like a question. He was looking at her like he was actually seeing her, Frost, and he didn’t seem scared, he even inched closer, now only a foot from her. And she was slowly coming undone under his perceptive gaze, the slight smile on his lips, his whole disarming demeanor. She had known he was Caitlin’s weakness, but could he be hers as well?

“What do you want from me, Barry?” she pressed out, trying to keep a cool exterior, yet she could feel Caitlin rising inside her and her own emotions whirling in there as well. Though it was brief, she noticed his reaction to his name nonetheless. She sighed, steeling herself against his request to talk to Caitlin, unsure if she could deny him this time. But to her surprise, that’s not what he said.

“I want you to hear me out.” Her eyes flew up, searching his. Why was he so calm, relaxed even? Last time he had challenged her to kill him, with her holding an icicle close to his heart, the tension had been palpable but at the same time, he had also been calm. Wasn’t she supposed to be the calm, cold one? 

He was still looking at her with soft eyes, waiting for a sign that she was ready to listen. Standing this close, she could make out the shadows under his eyes. Though he was smiling, she could tell he was a little worse for wear. Caitlin would not have let him run himself into the ground like that. Sighing, she gave a nearly imperceptible nod, as all the tension left her body. Last time, Caitlin had used that opportunity to take control again, but this time it felt different, like they were both holding their breaths, waiting.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think,“ Barry began softly, “and I thought I owed Catlin an apology, but it turns out I owe both of you an apology. I thought you were trying to take Cait from me, taking over and basically erasing her in the process. But I was wrong, wasn’t I? You don’t want to do that at all, you care about her, you want to protect her.”  
A smile crossed his face when he saw in her eyes how right he was. “But, Frost, I think you don’t give Caitlin enough credit. She is completely able to protect herself, even without powers she’s a force to be reckoned with and I can’t count the times she has saved my life over the past few years. And I think you need to let her stand up for herself,” Barry continued fiercely.  
“Oh, I know she can stand up for herself, but she won’t. She needs protecting from herself,” Frost replies vehemently, “she would just go on and sacrifice everything for her “friends” again and again. And for what? For her so-called friends to ignore her?! Her struggle! Let her alone with her fears! No Barry, Caitlin might be able to stand up to her enemies, your enemies, but never to her friends!” Frost’s eyes were burning bright white, as she stared at Barry, anger fueling her again from the inside, ready to protect Caitlin from their obstinacy.  
“You’re right,” Barry admitted slowly.  
And just like that, all her anger evaporated once more. 

“We let her down, I let her down. I should have been there for her. I was blinded by my fear and lost sight of what’s important, who’s important. But I promise I will do better. I will be the friend she deserves, a friend who puts her first, always. But I need to apologize to Caitlin too before I can even try to make up for my behavior. But to do so, I need Caitlin,” his voice was gentle, he knew what he was asking, he wasn’t tricking her or making demands. She could feel his honesty seeping from every pore, his feelings for Caitlin shining from his eyes and she knew at that moment that things were going to be different.

“If you ever let her down again, Flash, I’ll be back with a vengeance, “ she smirked at him, before closing her eyes and letting out a deep breath.

 

Barry could see her hair turn back to brown and when she opened her eyes, Caitlin was looking right back at him. “Cait,” he pressed out before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her, holding onto to her tight. He had lost her for a week, he wasn’t going to do so again. Though he had been wrong about Frost, he was relieved to finally have his Caitlin back. Stepping back a little, but without letting go, he looked at her. “Are you okay?” he asked softly. She nodded slowly. “I think so.” She gave him a weak smile, but he could see some tears pooling behind her eyes. He pulled her close once more, his warmth washing over her. He could feel her cling to him, which only led him to tighten his arms around her. “Let me take you home,” he whispered in her hair, before flashing them back to her apartment.

 

“You should get some rest,” Barry instructed her as he reluctantly let go of her while letting one hand linger on her back. After having been without her for a week, he still needed to hold on to her in some way. Though she nodded at his suggestion, as she was looking around her living room, he noticed her stepping closer to his side. Realizing that she didn’t want to be left alone, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.  
“Hey, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, I promise,” he comforted her, as he led her to the couch.  
“I’m sorry, Barry, it’s Valentine’s Day, you should be with Iris, I’ll be fine,” she tried to convince him.  
“Don’t worry about that, I’m exactly where I should be,“ he reassured her.  
Seeing her wondering look, but not sure if he wanted to get into this right now, he offered. “How about we just sit and talk for a while.”

She agreed, looking at him and genuinely smiling for the first time. Knowing he was staying with her, allowed the tension to slowly leave her body, while she seemed to come to terms with what had happened to her. He could see her eyes linger on his face, the doctor inside her probably registering his lack of sleep, it had not been a good week, without her…  
But then her tone became teasing as she replied. “I am still waiting for that apology.” 

“Well, I guess that means you remember what happened,” he grinned at her. “Not everything,” she explained slowly, “I remember losing control, but afterwards there are only bits and flashes until tonight, when you talked to her, something changed. It was like the moment Frost and I stopped fighting each other for control, I could hear and see everything she could. She was still in the driver’s seat, but I was awake as well.”  
Barry nodded. “I think we were all wrong about her… And that’s my fault.” Caitlin raised her eyebrows at him. “You know not everything has to be your fault.”  
“True, “he chuckled, “but there’s enough that is. Though fault may be a strong word. I’ve just been thinking, if I’ve never gone to Earth 2, we wouldn’t have known about that version of Killer Frost. So when you discovered your powers, you probably wouldn’t have been scared, because you wouldn’t have known you could turn into her, maybe you would have embraced your powers and Killer Frost would have never needed to take control. Without me, you wouldn’t have had a reason to fear your powers.” 

Caitlin looked at him thoughtfully, not dismissing his idea right away. “Maybe. My powers always felt like they were turning my emotions cold as well. But maybe that was because I expected them to. I don’t know… But I do know, that even if it did make a difference, it definitely wasn’t your fault. You had no choice but to go to Earth 2 and I would have met her either way when Zoom… brought me to his lair.” He put a hand on her arm, seeing her shudder at the memory of her captivity. 

“Killer Frost from that earth did go through some stuff I didn’t,” she went on pensively, leaning into his touch, feeling instantly better, ”unlike me, she lost a brother. Though she hadn’t lost Ronnie, or rather Firestorm. But with him and Reverb, I guess they all succumbed to their darkness.”  
“Because she didn’t have me,” Barry added with an over pleased confidence that brought a smile back to her face. “You do keep me in check,” she agreed with a smirk, before adding more seriously, “and you did bring me back twice now.” 

Barry sighed, before reaching over and taking her hands in his. “I’m sorry if it felt like I haven’t been there for you lately,” he apologized earnestly, “I should have helped you learn how to control your powers, I shouldn’t have prioritized Iris over you.” “I get it, Barry, her life is in danger, it’s natural to focus on that,” she reassured him, giving his hands a squeeze in turn. He shook his head. “No, it might have been natural, but it wasn’t right, we could have done both. I let myself be guided by my fear and I didn’t see yours. I am truly sorry, Frost is right, you deserve better and I will do better, I promise.”  
His eyes found hers, full of understanding, she didn’t need to forgive him, because she had never blamed him. Still, he could see some relief, some hope in them and he needed her to know that he was never going to leave her alone anymore. 

 

But before he could do or say anything else, a breach opened up in the middle of her living room and an agitated Cisco stepped through.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Cisco wanted to know exasperated before his eyes landed on Caitlin, who had gotten up the moment she saw him. A big relieved smile appeared on his face, as Cisco threw his arms around her in a bearlike hug. “Oh thank god, you’re you again,” he uttered, before releasing her and turning towards Barry. 

“Seriously, dude, a little consideration for your teammates. We’ve been going crazy. You just declare you are going to get her back alone, then you leave your suit, so we have no means of communications. I had to hack a satellite to at least get a bird’s eye view of what was going on. And then you two just disappear and don’t turn up at Starlabs!”, Cisco blurted out, staring at Barry, who was just standing there, shrugging his shoulders a little and trying to look remorseful.  
Cisco let out a huff of air, before letting himself fall on the couch, pulling Caitlin with him and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “God I’m glad, you’re back,” he whispered relieved. “Me too,” Caitlin smiled at him before Cisco’s eyes fell on her neck and he sat up straight. “Where’s your necklace?” he demanded in a panicked voice.  
“It’s okay, Cisco,“ Caitlin assured him, “I don’t need it anymore.” And at that moment, she knew that it was the truth.

Barry looked at Cisco who was staring at Caitlin open-mouthed, trying to wrap his head around this concept and he couldn’t help but smile at his best friends. Though the last week had been hell, right now all he could feel was joy, realizing that these people were his happiness. Although he didn’t want to be away from Caitlin, he knew she deserved a moment with Cisco alone. “Maybe I should go fill in the team and get us some take out, so you guys can catch up?” Barry offered. Cisco just nodded absentmindedly, but Caitlin found his eyes, taking a moment, before nodding as well. For a second Barry thought he might be physically incapable of leaving Caitlin again, before finally managing to tear himself away from her gaze and flash to Starlabs.

 

Caitlin’s eyes trained a while on the spot Barry had just sped away from, before turning her attention back to Cisco, who to her surprise had been following her gaze.  
“The last week has been really hard on him,“ he mumbled. Caitlin’s heart tightened, guilt tugging at her for what she put her friends through. She had noticed the toll this week had taken on Barry, it was sketched all over his features and she could make out the same signs on Cisco’s face, maybe not as discernable, but still there.

“I’m really sorry,” she started, but Cisco interrupted her. “It’s not your fault,” he said shaking his head vehemently, “if anything it’s our fault, we kind of left you hanging with this whole Killer Frost situation. Barry and I have been talking about that a lot recently, or rather arguing about it”, he added with a weak smile. Caitlin bit her lip, she hated that they had been arguing because of her.  
“Tell me everything that happened while I was gone,” Caitlin demanded worriedly. Cisco sighed before taking a deep breath and launching himself into the events of last week. “After you, well, Killer Frost left, I figured out how to use the cold gun to keep Iris frozen until Barry and Wally could get a sample from Yorkin and we could make an antidote, which took way longer without you there,“ Cisco added with a sly smile,” but I don’t know, it was like Barry was on autopilot, he stayed next to Iris, he went out to fight Yorkin, he helped with the antidote, but he wasn’t really there, I could tell all he wanted to do was run until he found you. And the moment we knew Iris’ was safe, he did just that, he ran. I don’t know how you managed not to be found, because he was relentless. I mean none of us were getting much sleep, but Barry was out there searching all the time. We had to literally force him to take breaks and rest.” 

Caitlin’s heart bled hearing all of this, everything she put her friends through. She could feel Frost inside her thinking that it served them well, but she knew it didn’t. Yes, they had been preoccupied, but Iris’ life was on the line, she didn’t blame them, that took priority. Cisco could tell that his story was affecting her, so he continued in a lighter tone. 

“But it wasn’t all bad, I mean, it was even entertaining at moments.” Caitlin raised her eyebrows at him. “I swear. Once, Barry completely blew up at Julian, it was epic. Julian was already running around Starlabs, trying to produce a cure, trying to guess where you could be, like he knew what he was talking about,” Cisco rolled his eyes, ”but then, when we finally got Barry to stop running for a while, Julian had the nerve to tell him ‘Caitlin would want you to rest’. I guess that was the straw that broke the camel’s back because you should have seen it, it was precious. Barry got all up in his face and basically yelled at Julian for an hour about how he needed to stop pretending to know you, that he didn’t know you at all, that you didn’t need him to find a cure and so on and so forth. At some point, Julian just shouted that he didn’t have to stay here and listen to this, to which Barry replied by speeding him outside of Starlabs and slamming the door in his face. Priceless.” Cisco grinned at Caitlin who had a sour look on her face. ”Oh come on, Caitlin, you know, he deserved it, Julian’s a self-righteous dick.” She couldn’t help the smile forming on her face, she felt bad about all the arguing she had caused, but then again Cisco wasn’t wrong.

“Anyway, apart from that, the other days were basically spent with Barry running through Central City or running through equations or running over the same argument with me. I thought we needed to trick you to get some kind of power dampener on you to get you back, but Barry insisted you needed to want to come back. I guess he was right in the end,” Cisco grinned at her. “Yeah, I guess he was,” she admitted, wondering just how comfortable she was right now, feeling Frost inside her but still completely sure she was in control.

“I’m still sorry for everything you had to go through, because of me,” she apologized, “I should have figured out how to use my powers earlier.” “And we should have helped you do that. I don’t think anyone of us can hog the blame here,” Cisco smiled at her. She nodded slowly, his good-naturedness warming her up from the inside. 

“How is Iris by the way? Did you make any progress towards saving her? I was actually kind of surprised she let Barry come after me on Valentine’s Day,” Caitlin wondered.  
“I don’t think she has much of a say in it anymore,” Cisco admitted shifting a little on the couch.  
“Cisco?”  
“Okay, now don’t go around blaming yourself again or anything, but I think they broke up,” he finally divulged.  
“What?” Caitlin was shook, one week, she had not been there for one week, and Cisco and Barry had been fighting, Barry had thrown Julian out and he and Iris were broken up. She buried her head in her hands.  
“See, I knew you were going to blame yourself, “ Cisco huffed, “no wonder Barry didn’t tell you.”  
“Well, what am I supposed to think, Barry and Iris were happy, Killer Frost takes over for one week, and now they’re broken up?” she exclaimed indignantly.  
“You’re right Barry was happy, then you were gone and he was a mess, but I’d venture he’s happy again right now,” Cisco grinned at her looking up at him with a confused look. 

“Okay, so every time you’re kidnapped, missing, whatever, Barry is a mess. That guy only has a one-track mind, getting you back. And for some unfathomable reason, Iris still hasn’t picked up on that. So she kept nagging him to focus on other things as well, focus on her, their relationship, I don’t really know, I tried not to get in the middle of it, but finally, Barry snapped. He told her if she hadn’t been out there recklessly risking her life, you wouldn’t have had to use your powers to save her and he wouldn’t have lost you. I didn’t stay to listen to the rest, but afterwards Iris stayed away from Starlabs for a while and Barry hasn’t gone back to their apartment ever since. He never acknowledged anything, but we all still knew.”

“Why didn’t you try and talk to him?” Caitlin wondered softly. Cisco groaned. “Because I didn’t want to get in the middle of that, we were already arguing about the best way to get you back, forcing him to rest up, I wasn’t going to risk another argument. I mean that guy can be scary.” Caitlin chuckled surprised. “Barry? Our Barry?”  
“Oh hell yeah, you have never seen a Caitlin-less Barry. I’m telling you he’s intimidating. Though seeing him go after Zoom, should have given you an idea. Zoom might have ended up regretting ever taking you in the first place,” Cisco grinned. Caitlin shook her head slightly, having some trouble grasping this concept. She knew the Flash was formidable, but Barry, Barry was always so… so soft.

 

“So how does this whole Killer Frost thing work now?” Cisco asked intrigued. Caitlin smiled. “I don’t really know, I can feel her inside me, I know I can draw on my powers if I need to, but I guess we’re not fighting over who’s in control anymore. Turns out she only ever wanted to protect me, though her methods might have been misguided. Using these cold powers kind of chills your emotions as well, making it easy for the bad ones to take over, I think,” she tried to explain.  
“So can I meet her?” Cisco wondered with an enthusiastic grin. With a little laugh, Caitlin closed her eyes, letting Frost take control, she could feel her eyes turn white, even her hair whitening.  
“Ramon,” Frost greeted Cisco with a smirk, who let out a very undignified little shriek at her sudden appearance. “I thought you wanted to meet me?” Frost teased him like they were old friends. Maybe they were in a way. Cisco stared at her for another moment, really taking her in, before stretching out his hand.  
“Call me Cisco.” Taking his hand and shaking it twice, she replied. “Frost.”  
After another silent moment or two, Frost closed her eyes again, bringing Caitlin back out. “That is so cool,” Cisco exclaimed excitedly.

 

“What is?” Barry asked as he reappeared in the living room, carrying a ton of take-out containers.  
“Frost, Caitlin, both,” Cisco grinned at him as Caitlin got up to help him unpack the take-out.  
“How much food did you get?” she teased him.  
“Don’t mock me, I’m finally feeling hungry again,” he replied smiling up at her. She returned his smile fondly, content to know his appetite was back. Now she just had to make sure he’d get a few good nights’ sleep, the shadows under his eyes were still making her antsy. 

“Gimme,” Cisco demanded, pointing at the eggrolls and subsequently putting an end to their staring. Caitlin handed him the container, before choosing one for herself and slowly digging in. “Oh, by the way, Cisco,“ Barry started after a few minutes of comfortable silence, “when I left Starlabs, H.R. was heading into your lab. He’s said something about a billion-dollar idea.”  
“What?” Cisco’s food nearly fell out of his mouth, “and you let him go into my lab? Alone? Without supervision?” Barry just shrugged while opening another container.  
“Wow thanks, man, you’re such a good friend, “Cisco replied sarcastically as he got up, grabbing some more food before opening a breach. With an “I’ll see you later” directed at Caitlin and another poignant look at Barry, he hoped through the portal. Barry and Caitlin smiled at each other over their friend’s antics before resuming their eating.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Caitlin asked after a while. Barry looked up at her, still chewing, though he had nearly emptied all of the containers. He was about to say that, of course, he was okay, when something in her eyes stopped him. He sighed, swallowing the rest of his food and putting it to the side. “Cisco told you, didn’t he?” She nodded slowly.  
“Is there anything I can do?” Caitlin wondered gently.  
“I’m fine, don’t worry about it,” he reassured her with a small smile, realizing that he actually was fine and that he hadn’t even thought of Iris once today. And with that, the last doubts about his decision vanished for good.

“What is it?” he asked a second later, seeing her bite her lower lip. “It’s just,” she started slowly, “I feel responsible. If I hadn’t lost control, if Frost hadn’t taken over, you and Iris might have been fine.”  
“Then I’m really glad Frost took over,” Barry replied so nonchalantly, it threw her for a loop. Seeing her confused look, Barry explained. “First of all, you really don’t need to feel guilty, if Iris hadn’t been so reckless, none of this would have happened. You were the one you risked yourself for Iris, you told us you might lose control, but we let you take that risk anyway. So if anybody’s responsible here, it’s definitely not you. Secondly, my relationship with Iris wasn’t very strong if a stressful situation could come between us, I mean stress is kind of in my job description and Iris has never been able to help me through these moments. And I’m so relieved I finally saw that. Ever since Iris dangled that happily ever after in front of me, I’ve been losing sight of what really matters to me, lost in some pursuit of a future I thought I wanted. But losing you for a week has been a real wake up call for me.” He looked at her with a soft smile, but he could still make out the worry in her eyes, the guilt about what happened. Although he didn’t know if he was ready for this, he still owed her the truth.

“Being without you for a week,” he began slowly, a shadow passing over his eyes, “it wasn’t good. Not knowing where you were… I was so scared that Frost was trying to erase you, unsure if she could succeed. I had all these people telling me what to do, how to find you, trap you, cure you, or even just tell me to take a break, rest, … it didn’t matter, because the only person I wanted to tell me what to do, the only person I wanted to talk to, was the one I was trying to find.”  
He locked his eyes on her, an intensity burning behind them. “I took it for granted, Cait, I took you for granted. Always there to calm me, help me focus on what’s important, coming up with ways to defeat my enemies, find cures and antidotes and you name it. I depend on you more than I have ever depended on anyone and I didn’t realize it. I was so blind. Frost was right. When Iris wanted to be with me, I thought I was getting my happy ending and then Savitar threatens to take it away what felt like moments later. And I thought losing Iris would break me, I was so scared to lose my happy ending…,” he sighed, ”and when Iris was dying last week, I felt so much pain, but when we saved her, that pain was still there, because you weren’t.” 

Caitlin looked at him with shiny eyes. “Don’t worry, Barry, I’m here now and so is Frost. We’ll defeat Savitar and we’ll save Iris, I’m sure of it,” she reassured him.  
“I’m certain that’s true, “ Barry replied, smiling softly at her reaction,” but that’s really not what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

“Then what are you trying to tell me?”, she wondered looking up at him with big eyes. He gazed into her eyes with a million thoughts racing through his head, but through all his uncertainties there was one thing that stood out clearly in his mind, so he finally acknowledged it. “Cait, from the moment Frost took over until I was able to look into your eyes again, I felt like a piece of me was missing and I don’t ever want to feel that way again.” 

All the while, they had unconsciously moved closer and closer together. Now only a breath away, Barry could read her eyes easily. She didn’t shy away, she returned his gaze steadily and though he could tell she felt the same way, he could also still see something holding her back, some fear of maybe misunderstanding.  
With a little smile on his lips, he whispered. “I love you, Caitlin.”  
“I love you, too,” she breathed softly, as a smile spread on her face. Slowly Barry closed the gap between them, bringing his lips gently on hers. At first, their kiss was soft and tentative, but then Barry’s hands landed on her waist, pulling her close, while her hands brushed through his hair, the kiss deepened as both of them were holding onto the other, never wanting to lose each other again. And so they lost themselves in each other instead.

**Author's Note:**

> So this story developed a life of its own. It was supposed to end after Barry got Caitlin back from Frost with Caitlin apologizing for ruining his Valentine's Day and him responding that it was his best Valentine's Day because he got her back. But somehow it just went on and on, but I wanted it to stay a one-shot and finish it in time, so I'm sorry if it feels a little rushed at the end there ;)


End file.
